Indecision
by TLX
Summary: "She didn't mean to make Ron feel like he wasn't worthy. If anything she felt she wasn't worthy of him." Written as part of the Teachers Lounge Holiday Exchange for Chelseyb1010 by HeadlessHuntsman.


Indecision

A/N: This was written for the Teacher's Lounge Christmas Fiction Exchange. I was assigned Chelsey.

Hermione walked in the snow and the slush that was piled in the streets of Diagon Alley. Her feet were frozen and hurting but she didn't want to go home. She looked at the window decorations, and the spelled letters on the signs, showing that it was the Christmas season. Hermione didn't feel very jolly.

She played over the fight, from last week, in her head. Ron had come home earlier and was relating a story about his work to her. She didn't even remember what the story was. She did remember telling Ron that he could have handled the issue better. She corrected him like she always does. She didn't even realize what she had done, but Ron did. It was such a small thing to start such a large fight. Things were said and feelings revealed.

She relived Ron screaming that he was tried of never living up to what she expected; never being good enough. Hermione telling Ron he was overreacting and she was tired of his fragile ego. The argument ended when Hermione simply walked out of his flat and apparated away.

She didn't mean to make Ron feel like he wasn't worthy. If anything she felt she wasn't worthy of him. His love was so engulfing and unconditional. She wonders what she has done to deserve it.

She could see why Ron thinks she is disappointed in him. She is always correcting him; pushing him. Doesn't he understand it's because she loves him? She wants the whole world to see the Ron she knows; not the buffoon he portrays outwardly.

She stopped and looked in the window of some nameless shop, not really looking at the merchandise, rather her reflection. She had been crying and didn't even realize it.

Then there's the word love. She had not yet said it. Not because she didn't feel it but once she did say it, he would have power over her heart. She snorted at the though. "As if he doesn't have control now," she said aloud.

"What's that Dearie?" an old witch attending a cart of roasted nuts, asked her.

"Sorry, nothing," muttered Hermione moving down the sidewalk.

'Why can't I tell him I love him?' she asked herself. 'I know that I do.'

She was sure that this was an underlying cause of Ron's insecurities. It hadn't taken Ron long to say the words but she had put it off. 'Surely he knows how I feel,' she told herself.

'How can he?' she asked herself, 'If you never tell him?'

She didn't want to return to her own empty flat. She wanted to fix what her indecision and fear had broken. That's what it was. She was scared. She didn't want to say it and then have it all fall apart. 'Some Gryffindor,' she derided herself. 'You're scared of three little words.'

She thought it was amazing how much power those three words, those eight little letters could have over her. She was watching the other couples doing their shopping and enjoying each other. She wished in her heart that could be her and Ron.

Something clicked in her head and she made her way to the small jewelry shop. She had not waited this long to let fear ruin her dreams. She stopped, gathered her courage and opened the door.

-OOO-

Hermione stopped at the door to his flat, holding the small carefully wrapped package. 'Please let this work,' she said to herself, readying to knock on the door. Her hand went up to knock.

'What if I am too late? What if my fear and cowardice has ruined it… us?'

"Only one way to find out," she said aloud to no one.

She took in a large breath and let it out in an explosive sigh. She reached up and knocked on the door. After what seemed an eternity or perhaps it was only a few seconds Ron opened the door.

His face was stern and his eyes were red rimmed. He had been crying. He looks like he has had a shave in a week either.

Hermione felt that she was too late; that her fear and indecision had ruined not only what they were but what they could have been.

"Hermione, what do you need?" he asked sounding defeated.

"I just wanted to give you your present… and talk. Is that ok?"

Ron looked at her and nodded moving aside so she could enter the flat. He walked behind her and sat in an arm chair while she took a seat on the couch.

Hermione sat silently looking at the present in her hands.

"I didn't want to leave it where it was," she started. "I really needed to give you this," she said holding out the present.

Ron took the small package from her.

"Open it now… please," Hermione said. The pleading and desperation in her voice surprised Ron.

Ron carefully opened the small package to reveal a small wooden box. Ron opened the box and discovered a gold and silver pocket watch. Ron had lost his other watch during the hunt and had never replaced it. He picked up the watch and observed the hands moving across the face.

"There's an inscription," Hermione said in an uncharacteristically small voice.

Ron turned the watch over and read the flowing inscription.

'_It's time I said, I love you.'_

Ron's hands started to shake so badly he almost dropped the watch. He looked up at Hermione with tears in his eyes.

Hermione looked as though she was going to burst from the strain.

"I do, you know?" she said. "I love you."

Ron stood up and held his arms out.

"I.. I am just so sorry…" Hermione blubbered, almost leaping into Ron's arms.

"Shhhh," Ron said stroking her hair. "We both are. No one said this was going to be easy but you're worth it."

Hermione looked up into Ron's bright blue eyes.

"We're worth it."


End file.
